1 Dec

One of my friends bought my book (The Shameful Diary of a Hopeless Romantic, duh) and she said she was really enjoying it! Yeah baby! How sweet is that? I know, she’s my friend and has to say that but 8 other people (I assume friends) have also bought my book and no-one else has said a peep to me! EEK!

So as of today I have sold 9 copies of the book. Yeah, I bought one myself! I mean if I’m not going to support myself who else is?

I listed the book on November 28th and I think it became active on Amazon on the 29th. Right now it is # 23,818 Paid in Kindle Store. Doesn’t sound too great does it? But I started at like 118,000, so it is something. It is really exciting to kinda look at the numbers and stuff but I guess I can’t get too excited because I don’t have too many numbers changing as yet. Let’s hope that changes!

So, I am super excited. I am going to do a guest post on another blog (Diary of a Mad Fat Girl) tomorrow. It will be a mad fat Friday post and I was personally asked by Ace Jones herself! Btw, if you haven’t read the book you should. It’s funny and heartwarming and the author Stephanie McAfee is amazing! 🙂 (She gave me the impetus to actually self-publish my book). I will post a link to my guest post and the blog tomorrow so that you can enjoy that site as well.




29 Nov


Suzi Case here. I’ve finally self-published my first book titled ‘The Shameful Diary of a Hopeless Romantic”. I have it listed on and Barnes & Noble as an Ebook and I have to say it is quite exciting to have finally finished a book.

So What is my book about? Here is the back-page synopsis that I have listed on the Amazon page:

Maggie is a dreamer with lots of goals to achieve on her ‘before 30’ list. She wants to fall in love, write a book and lose weight. Only nothing seems to go as planned. She finds herself: signed up for a marathon when she can’t run, with a book deal without a book and surrounded by 2 hunks: Ben and Blake, neither of whom seem to know she is a woman. What’s a girl to do when she’s a hopeless romantic? Write about it of course.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

I should have walked out as soon as I saw Dr. Will, I should have known that the night wasn’t going to go well as soon as I walked out of Blake’s house. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be great but I don’t always trust my instincts as I should.
“Maggie, Maggie, over here,” I glanced over to see who was shouting my name obnoxiously. I saw a short stout man, waving at me excitedly. His hair was receding and his goatee looked like an unkempt beard with food growing in it. Surely, this was not handsome Will? It was in that minute that I should have turned around and fled the restaurant but I continued walking up to him. Perhaps, some other Maggie were here meeting someone and the real Will and I would laugh once I sorted out that this maniac wasn’t him.
It took 30 seconds for me to realize that this was the ‘real Will’. “Maggie, so great to meet you.” Will jumped up to hug me and gave me a once-over and whistled. “Emm, emm GOOD.”
I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Who was this fool?
“Sorry, I should have introduced myself. I’m Doc Will.”
I smiled weakly, “Nice to meet you doctor.”
“Likewise, wow, we lucked out huh?”
I looked at him quizzically. “Excuse me?”
“I just meant we both got lucky. I’ve been on some dates from Love Cupid and some real dogs have shown up, looking nothing like their photos but you are amazing.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He had met some real dogs? I didn’t want to be mean or rude but I certainly didn’t consider him any sort of prize.  It did make me feel good for about 5 seconds that he was obviously so happy with my looks, but who was I fooling, of course he would be impressed with me. I was looking pretty good. It almost made me want to cry, was this the only type of guy that would ever appreciate me?
“Have a seat, have a seat.” He patted the seat next to him. Was he crazy? I choose the chair sitting across from him and tried to ignore the pitying glances of the couples on both sides of me.
“I’m so glad that you came out tonight Maggie. When I saw you walking in the restaurant, I thought to myself yes, this is one fine filly.”
“Yeah, like a horse, you know?” He drawled and my skin felt hot. I don’t know what it was but I felt a sudden urge to hit him or run as fast as I could out of the restaurant. Or just burst into tears.
“I see.”
“So Maggie, I have a present for you.” He reached under the table and picked up a medium sized gift bag that had “Happy Birthday” in glittery gold and there was a bunch of bright pink tissue paper. While I wasn’t impressed with the trimmings of the present, it was nice that he thought to bring me something. Asides from the plastic rose that date # 3 had brought me, none of my dates had thought to do that.
“I wasn’t going to give it to you if you were fugly because I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression. But I like you, so it’s all good.”
I cheered up a little bit at that statement. Maybe he had gotten me a Tiffany’s bracelet. I could understand him not wanting to give someone he wasn’t attracted to expensive jewelry but maybe the work-outs were paying out in more ways than one now. I mean, I didn’t really respect gold-diggers but surely I deserved something for coming on this date. And I mean, he was a doctor, he could afford it.
I smiled up at him. My first sincere smile of the night. “Why thanks, Will. That was really sweet of you.”
He grinned at me, and stroked my hand as I took the bag from him. UGH.
“Yes, please.” And don’t stop pouring I thought to myself. I would need it to get through the night.
I took a big gulp of wine as I went to open the present. To hell with etiquette at this point. I gasped as I looked at the box that was in the bag. Then I glanced up at Will and he was leering at me.
“Impressed?” he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Impressed?” I looked at him blankly. In the bag, sat a box of condoms. What was there to be impressed with? The fact that he practiced safe sex? That he wanted to practice safe sex with me?
“Yeah, with the size,” he leaned over the table to whisper size and I took another large gulp of wine before looking back in the bag. It was then I noticed the words “Magnums” in bold print on the box. Oh my goodness. This date couldn’t end fast enough.
“So Will, what type of medicine do you practice?” I changed the subject abruptly, not caring what he thought.
“Aren’t you a doctor? Doc Will?”
Will started laughing and slamming his fists on the table, “Doctor? Me?” hahahahaha.”
“Why do you call yourself Doc Will and say in your profile that you are a doctor?” I seethed at him, not caring if he saw how irritated I was.
“I’m Doc Will because I liked the name, and I meant that I am a doctor of love because I am so smooth with the ladies,” and then he winked.
“So what do you do Will?” I was scared to find out.
“I’m a salesman down in Santa Monica at Al’s Used Car Lot,” he paused, “You don’t need to buy a new car do you?”
“No, no I don’t,” I didn’t add that if I had needed to, he would be the last person I would buy a car from.
“Excuse me a second,” I stood up, “I just need to go to the ladies room.”
“Oh honey, your makeup is perfect. No need to touch it up just yet.”
“Excuse me?”
“I know you ladies, always wanting to make sure you look good for your man. But honey you look fine right now, though I suppose a bit more lipstick wouldn’t hurt,” he leaned back and licked his lips. If I was capable of throwing up on command, I would have done it at that point.
“I’ll be right back.” I walked quickly and purposefully to the bathroom, reaching into my handbag and taking my phone out.
As soon as I walked into the bathroom, I called Blake. He answered within two rings.
“What’s up Maggie-Moo moo?”
“Omg, Blake, I need your help?” I wailed. I filled him in on what was going on and all his laughing had me smiling myself at the ridiculousness of the date.
“Why don’t you just leave Mags?”
“I would feel bad.”
“What do you want me to do Mags, come rescue you?” I could hear the smile in Blake’s voice.
“Yes, think of something please.”
“I guess, I could show up and say there was an emergency?”
“But wouldn’t he wonder why you didn’t just call the restaurant?”
“I guess, maybe I could say the phone was down?”
“Yeah, that could work.”
“Or that aliens dropped me off and told me to bring you with me to the spaceship.”
“Or that I’m James Bond and I need my girl Friday back with me for a secret mission in the USSR,” he was laughing.
“Blake, please.” I pleaded with him.
“I don’t know how you always rope me into these situations and why you don’t just leave but go back to the table, sit still and I’ll be there soon.”
“Yay, thanks Blake.” I got off the phone with a smile on my face.
I walked back to the table with a smile on my face. I may as well enjoy the food and wine while I waited for Blake to show up. I was able to tune Will out while he talked about himself and his recent adventures in Vegas and a local strip club. I must have been on my 3rd glass of wine and just finishing up the glass when Blake showed up.
I looked up in surprise and shock for the second time that night as I heard my name shouted out across the restaraunt.
“Maggie?” Blake came running up to me at the table, almost unrecognizable in his get-up of ripped jeans and a white wife beater and an LA Dodgers baseball cap.
“I can’t believe you are doing this to me? Who is this scum?” he pointed over to Will, who lurched back.
“Uhm, sorry who are you?” Will’s loud boisterous voice had quietened down considerably at Blake’s approach.
“No, the question is who are you? And what are you doing here with my wife?”
“Wife?” Will and I both gasped in shock and Blake winked at me as he leaned across the table and sneered at Will.
“Yes, my wife punk. What are you doing with her?”
“But I didn’t know she was married, she…”
“Stop talking.”
And Will stopped. I wish I could have done that to him a couple of hours ago,
“Come-on Maggie, let’s go.”
“Uh, sure.” I grabbed my handbag and jumped up, while downing the rest of the wine in my mouth and trying not to laugh.
Will just sat back in shock with his mouth agape. I could tell that nothing like this had happened to him before but before I could feel sorry for him I thought about his completely false photos and profile.
“Uh, bye Will. Nice meeting you?” I waved at him as Blake dragged me by my other arm out of the restaurant. I heard Will whispering something about “dogs being better than crazies” under his breath and burst out laughing as soon as we walked out the door.
“Oh Blake, how could you?” I could barely talk, the laughter consumed me so much.
“Only you could make me do these crazy things Maggie.” We started running towards the parking lot. “I can’t believe I’m a grown-man in my 30’s, an attorney to boot. You have reverted me back to childhood Maggie.”
I reached over and hugged him when we reached his car. “Thanks Blake.”
“You should have just left you know. That would have been the grown up thing to do.”
“But then I never would have seen you in a wife beater, husband.”
“Yeah, and I would never have seen that guy’s face.”
We both started laughing again, with tears rolling down his eyes.
“Oh my gosh, did you see his face? It was priceless.”
“Let’s go back to mine and have a drink and you can tell me more about the date.” Blake suggested and I was more than happy to say yes.
We ended up talking and watching a movie in his room. I’m not sure why we went there instead of the living room but I must have fallen asleep at some point during the movie because I woke up the next morning with one of his arms across my stomach. I just lay there and listened to his light snoring. As I gazed at his face, so soft and natural in its dream state, I felt something stirring in me. And it made me panic.